


That Was Then...

by WindInYourSail



Series: Full Circle [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-05-31 01:15:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19415443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindInYourSail/pseuds/WindInYourSail
Summary: Maggie Malone navigates growing up and her feelings for her brother’s friend and roommate.Note:This is part one and I have it and most of part two finished. It’s mostly angst and fluff, especially since the first part is when they’re younger, but it will deal with one heavy situation. I will note at the beginning of the chapter of trigger warnings.





	1. Chapter 1

“What was that like?” People ask me this all the time. I know it’s not typical to get into Harvard at fourteen, when most kids are starting high school, but it was my life. In answer to the question though... I had never really known how to respond. It’s the only life I knew, and it honestly wasn’t that different than anyone else’s. I still went to high school, just a bit earlier and for a shorter length of time than most. It was the same with elementary and jr. high. My brother and I ended up graduating at the same time despite our four year age difference.

I’m not a savant or a child prodigy... at least not in definition. Academics have just always come easily to me. My whole family is that way, though I’m the only one to graduate high school so young. My father attended Yale, my mother Dartmouth, and my brother Patrick started Harvard the fall I did. It made it a bit easier that he was there, at least for my parents. He was assigned the task of being my keeper. This had annoyed me at the time. I just knew that even at fourteen I was more mature than my older brother. Of course I know now that I wasn’t.

“Patrick!” I huffed, knocking on the door of his dorm room.

The dorms were coed, much to the displeasure of my mom, but it was the way they were set up. She had relaxed a bit when she found out they did at least separate the genders by floor. My dorm, a single since no one could figure out who to room with the kid, was one floor up from my brothers.

“What the hell?” Came a voice through the door that was not my brothers.

When it opened I’m pretty sure my mouth gaped open at the guy standing in the doorway, looking rather annoyed.

“Patrick isn’t here.” He huffed.

“Shit.” I grumbled, choosing to ignore how attractive I found the person before me. Boy’s had never really interested me before, why should that have changed. “He has one of my boxes and I need it.”

My brothers roommate furrowed his brow and I know it’s because I look twelve. I don’t wear makeup, I don’t care to pay attention enough to dress a particular way or style my hair, always opting to throw it in a ponytail. I enjoy learning and at that point in my life that’s all I was expected to do.

“I’m Maggie Malone, Patrick’s sister.” I pushed passed him to my brothers side of the room and begin searching through the mountain of boxes he had yet to unpack.

“His sister?”

“Yeah, I live on the floor above you.”

“Jesus, how old are you?” He blurted.

“Fourteen.” Patrick chuckled, returning from wherever he had been.

“Mom said she packed my books, and unlike you I’ve unpacked all my boxes, so they must be in with your things.”

Patrick seems unfazed by my shifting through his stuff as I search for my missing books.

“Did she even introduce herself?” He smirked looking at his roommate.

“Kind of.”

“Hey Mags...”

“What?” I huffed, opening another box.

Patrick rolled his eyes and dragged me away from the boxes and back toward his roommate. “Maggie this is my roommate, Rafael Barba. Rafael this is my annoying little sister Margaret who you will unfortunately being seeing a lot of since I’m supposed to keep an eye on her.”

“It’s Maggie.” I huffed, turning back to the boxes.

“She’s extremely smart, but seriously lacks social skills.” Patrick said to Rafael though the tease was meant for me.

“I don’t actually lack social skills,” I responded, pulling my box of books from the bottom of the stack I had just dug through, “I just don’t care that much about the impression I make.” I hoisted my box into my arms and headed back to my room.

After our freshman year, my mom and dad insisted my brother and I live together to cut down on expenses. They didn’t see the point in paying separate rent for two different children. Patrick and Rafael had become really good friends and had convinced my parents that a third person would ease expenses even more. We found a three bedroom home for rent not far from campus on Trowbridge. It had a small master bedroom with it own bathroom that I got to claim as my own so I could have my own space. Rafael and Patrick shared the remaining bathroom, both of their rooms down the short hall the bathroom was on.

In my idealistic teenage brain, I thought this arrangement was just perfect. Over the last year of studying and spending time with my brother I had also gotten to know Rafael pretty well. I had never in my life had a crush. It just hadn’t been something I focused on. But that was before Rafael. I had managed to hide it well, but my poor little teenage heart was over the moon that we were all moving in together. For a while it had been great. The three of us would study around the kitchen table or lounge around the living room watching television or movies to decompress from a particularly stressful week.

“What’d you pick up?” Rafael chuckled as I plopped next to him on the couch.

“Edward Scissorhands, Total Recall, and Dead Poets Society.” I smiled, holding up the the blockbuster cases, like they didn’t each look exactly the same.

“Patrick went to see Dead Poets Society when he dated Jenna last semester so lets do that one since it’s just the two of us tonight.” He smiled.

I climbed off the couch and slipped the tape in the VCR. We had been living in the house for a year and a half at that point and I had had no idea Patrick had dated anyone. I paused briefly before returning to the couch, wondering if Rafael had dated anyone as well.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” I forced a smile and returned to the couch.

He passed me the bowl of popcorn as he grabbed for the remote, both of us sitting at either end of the couch, him enjoying the movie as my brain recalled every night he was out late and I had gone to bed before he got home. The mornings I had assumed he was still in bed or had already left for class as I gathered my things for my own day.

I was seventeen when I finished my undergrad work and moved on to my combined masters and PhD in Applied Mathematics. Things at the house were pretty much the same. I had always gotten along well with Patrick growing up. Sure he teased me like any big brother, but living together without our parents supervision had made us closer. It probably didn’t hurt that I was getting older as well.

“Mags?”

“What up, bro?” Rafael had laughed at my response since he had watched the movie I was referencing with me.

“Don’t encourage her.” Patrick grumbled.

“What did you want?” I asked trying to move things along so I could finish proving that one-to-one linear transformations preserved linear independence.

“You want to be our DD tonight?”

“Give up my night to have the house to myself so I can cart both of you around while you drunkenly make out with whatever bar trash you pick up? I’ll pass.” The girls weren’t bar trash, they were typically chicks they knew from class, and if I’m being honest it was only Rafael making out with them that bothered me.

Sometime after I turned seventeen they stopped bothering to hide their sex lives. I’m not sure why Patrick ever tried to hide it considering it wasn’t exactly a secret he had worked his way through half of our senior class. I assume not bringing it home was Rafael’s influence. He was always nice, but he worried way too much about what they exposed me to. In hindsight, I suppose this should have been my first clue that he’d never see me as more than Patrick’s kid sister.

“You don’t have to cart us around, you can’t get in anyway. Just drop us off and pick us up. You’ll still have the house to yourself.” Patrick smiled his best I was both captain of the baseball team and salutatorian smile and waited for me to cave.

“Take the bus.” I huffed, returning my attention to my work.

“Come on Mags... you’d really make your favorite brother and roommate take the bus?”

“Look Patrick, I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and need to focus, not keep my eye on the clock all night so I know when to come pick you two up. I’m sorry but you’re stuck with the bus or a cab.”

“Fuck Mags, you can do that in your sleep.” Patrick huffed.

“Whatever.” I grumbled, grabbing my things and pushing passed both of them on my way to my room.

Driving them to and from the bar wasn’t really that big of a deal. Patrick was right, I’d have my work done long before I’d need to go pick them back up. Most of the time it was my brother who brought a girl back, but on the rare occasion Rafael did it’d feel like I’d been punched in the gut and I’d no longer be able to focus on anything else. I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with that. I found it easier to stay in my room and throw myself into work, convincing myself the guy that I couldn’t stop thinking about had come home alone.

Once I was eighteen... technically almost nineteen, I convinced myself I might actually have a shot with Rafael. We hung out all the time at that point, just the two of us, watching movies, taking walks around the neighborhood. He hadn’t seriously dated anyone the entire time I had known him, just the occasional fling, and I talked myself into believing that it had something to do with me. Somehow I could handle him being with someone else if he wasn’t seriously interested in them.

Both Patrick and Rafael were twenty two and kept the fridge fairly well stocked with booze, mostly cheap stuff, but I had convinced them to let me indulge a bit at home in a controlled environment. Patrick had started seriously dating Danielle and the four of us were drinking in the living room, Rafael and I on the couch while Danielle sat in Patrick’s lap in an oversized armchair.

“Jesus, is she going to mount you right there?” I grumbled, after Danielle had shifted herself so that she straddled him in the chair, their tongues seemingly down the others throat.

They both chuckled as Patrick pushed her off him. “Prude.” He laughed, guiding her towards his bedroom.

“If not wanting that mental picture makes me a prude then I’ll gladly take the title.” I scoffed, eliciting another chuckle from Patrick and Danielle.

Once the door shut, Rafael and I were alone and I was suddenly nervous. I had been alone with him countless times, and despite my feelings for him I had never been anything but comfortable.

“You want another beer?” He asked as he stood to get one for himself.

“Sure.”

We were watching some stupid comedy that I don’t remember the name of. It was just light enough to help us unwind at the end of the school year. Rafael and my brother had survived their first year of law school, and the only goal that weekend had been to relax at home.

Rafael handed me the beer and claimed his seat next to me again.

“How does it feel to only have a year left before you’ll be Dr. Malone.” He smirked, taking a sip of his beer.

“Daunting.” I sighed. It had been too. I was being approached by various entities with job offers at the time, half of which I couldn’t tell anyone I was being offered.

“I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding a job when you graduate with a PhD in Applied Mathematics at... what? Nineteen?” He chuckled the bit about my age.

“I’ll be twenty when I actually graduate.” I huffed as I took a large swig of my beer.

“Barely.” He smiled, knowing my birthday was at the end of May.

“Hey Raf...” I wasn’t really looking at him. I didn’t even know how to approach the question I wanted to ask him. Instead I leaned forward and picked up the silly koosh ball that somehow always ended up being tossed around our living room from our coffee table.

“Yes.” He grinned, grabbing it from the air as I tossed it up, intending to catch it again myself.

“Hey!” I pouted as he held it out to show me.

I grabbed for it and he playfully pulled it out of my reach, taunting me with it.

“You’re so immature.” I laughed, stretching across his chest trying to grab it from his hand.

“Me? I’m not the one who’s still desperately trying to get a toy, undoubtedly just to prove she can.” He chuckled, switching the koosh ball to his other hand when I’m all but sitting in his lap.

“Jerk.” I grinned, diving for the ball and managing to clutch part of it in my hand.

I tugged and twisted, determined to get the koosh ball back into my possession. Rafael’s grip on the ball was stronger than mine and I only managed to tug him on top of me as we giggled, neither of us relenting the koosh ball.

“You’re stubborn.” He smirked, pulling the toy behind his back in an attempt to switch hands, my arm tagging along and wrapping around him as his body pressed me into the couch.

“I prefer headstrong.”

I reached my other arm around him trying to gain the upper hand as I wiggled while striving to see what my hands were doing. My head lifted higher and Rafael chuckled when my fingers pried fruitlessly between the koosh ball and his palm.

“This is so not fair.” I grumbled.

There was no use fighting him for the ball. I wasn’t going to get it back unless he let me have it, but my comment was directed at him laying on top of me. Not that I clarified that to him, or did anything to change the contact between our bodies.

“You give up?” The corners of his lips tugged at a smile and his eyes connected with mine.

“No.” My response was less confident with him looking at me like that, our faces that close to one another.

His eyes shifted lower and then back to my eyes and I mimicked the movement to see what he had glanced at. His mouth found mine around the same time it clicked that it had been my lips. It was my first kiss and at this point I had thought it was perfect.

Rafael relinquished the koosh ball as his hands moved to caress my face. I don’t know how long we kissed, just that my hands were in his hair and the ball was lost somewhere between us and the couch. His pelvis pushed against mine and I let out a soft moan, gripping his hair tighter.

Suddenly, he pulled back. “Shit.” He panted, looking down at me with regret plastered across his face.

“What?” I fretted, not wanting him stop, not wanting him to look at me like he hadn’t meant to kiss me.

“I can’t.” Rafael pulled off me and started to stand.

I grabbed his hand and tugged him back so that he sat on the couch next to me. “Why not?” I know I had to have sounded desperate, but I was desperate. I had been in love with him for as long as I had known him and he had finally kissed me.

“You’re...” he paused and ran his hand through the loose bits of my hair that had fallen out of my ponytail, “you’re Patrick’s little sister.”

“So...”I beseeched.

“I just can’t.” He sighed, handing me the koosh ball that had rolled between us, then left me stunned and alone on the couch.


	2. Chapter 2

Rafael completely avoided me after that night. He had planned to spend the summer in New York with his family and the week between that kiss and him leaving was awkward to say the least. After he was gone I tried to focus on my dissertation, but couldn’t. All I could think about was why he didn’t want me. Was it really just because I was his friends sister? He had been the one to kiss me and surely he wouldn’t have done that if he hadn’t felt something.

I spent an afternoon at the grocery store looking through different magazines, searching for ones with tutorials on how to do your hair and makeup. This was something I had never really had much interest in, but I had also never felt rejection before. Hell, Rafael had been the only person I had ever been interested in.

I found a couple, one with a hairstyle that didn’t seem too difficult to pull off and the other with a fairly natural looking makeup tutorial. I didn’t want to make it obvious, just something subtle, something that would maybe make him forget I was someone’s little sister.

Purchasing the makeup recommended... or at least something similar that I could afford... I headed home and scheduled an appointment to get my hair cut. At the time it was long enough to hit me mid back even in a ponytail. I wanted something that made me look older, more mature than I actually was, because despite my advanced education at a young age and always being around people older than me, I had absolutely no experience with how to deal with this particular situation. I opted for a shoulder length bob, with a light layering to thin out the ends and to frame my face.

While he was in New York I visited my mom in Connecticut. I never told her who I was interested in, just that I had a little crush and wanted to look older. She chuckled, and after taking me to buy better products and new clothes, taught me how to do my makeup and style my hair.

By the time Rafael had returned to Cambridge I had developed a habit of getting up early enough to get myself put together for the day. He did a double take when I came home from a meeting I had had with my mentor to discuss my dissertation. He was sitting on the couch and since I knew he would be returning that day I had purposely worn my favorite new outfit. A black skirt, long enough to hit me mind thigh, a fitted light blue shirt with a high neck line, and a matching black suit jacket.

My mom had felt that since I would be interviewing for jobs soon, possibly interning somewhere, that I should have clothing appropriate for a work setting. I agreed and after reading through enough cosmopolitan type magazines to make anyone’s eyes hurt, I finally knew what look I was going for. My whole wardrobe could have been confused for that of Ally McBeal’s, except the skirts weren’t nearly as short, or Rachel Green’s after she got a job in fashion, not so much the coffee shop days.

“You cut your hair.” Rafael stated, though his eyes scanned my new clothes.

“It was time for a change, don’t you think?” I smiled, trying to pretend as though nothing had happened so maybe he would too.

“It looks good... you look good.” He stammered and I had to bite my lip to stop the grin that was desperately trying to form.

“Thanks.”

I walked passed him on the way to my room and finally grinned as I dug into the changes my mentor and I had discussed on my dissertation.

Weeks went by, then months... I thought for sure something would change between us, but it didn’t... maybe it already had. We weren’t as close anymore. Rafael still avoided being alone with me, and acted as though nothing had happened when we were in group settings. Then halfway through the fall semester he started bringing Summer home, a girl whose appearance was annoyingly fitting of her name... blond hair, blue eyes, tan skin... I believe she was even from California, but I could be wrong. I started staying in my room more, not wanting to be the fifth wheel to Patrick, Danielle, Rafael, and Summer. I didn’t get it. I was completely devastated... Why had he kissed me?

I thought for sure Summer would disappear soon. That she was just another fling, but he kept bringing her around. It got to the point where I hated being at home because she was always there. I hated her. I knew absolutely nothing about her, I didn’t want to, I just wanted to hate her.

“How serious are you two?” Patrick asked Rafael one morning when it was just the three of us in the kitchen.

“We’ve labeled things.” Rafael shrugged, both of their attention turning to me as I burned myself on the bacon grease that had splattered out of the pan.

“Shit!” I gasped, dropping the pan back on the stove.

Patrick grabbed my hand and ran it under cold water in the sink. I glanced over my shoulder at Rafael as he moved to finish the bacon for me. He seemed sad as I fought tears, and quickly looked away from me avoiding eye contact.

I had wanted to hate him but I couldn’t, so instead I made a list of all the companies that had shown interest in hiring me. There was the data mining firm in New York, they were offering the highest pay considering all the new technologies becoming readily available to the public. I marked it off the list immediately, letting my tears fall freely. I wanted to be as far from Rafael as I could and I knew he planned to move back to New York once he graduated. All the job opportunities that would land me in New York were scratched, and my eyes ran over the remaining prospects... lingering on the one I was most intrigued by. It would have been my first choice if my mind hadn’t wanted to keep the option of New York open... if I hadn’t been hopeful of something happening between Rafael and me.

“Maybe it’s for the best...” I sighed, finding the lighter I had for candles and setting the list on fire, watching it turn to ash as I twisted the paper in my fingers to avoid getting burned. It was a bit dramatic but I didn’t have a shredder and I didn’t want anyone to know what I had decided on or what my options had been. This was something that was completely my decision.

I was sitting on a bench, waiting for the class before mine to end so I could take my normal seat, when Jacob approached me. We were both in the same accelerated PhD program, though at twenty five he was more typical in age for a PhD candidate.

“Hey Maggie.”

“Hey.” I smiled.

“What are you doing Friday?”

“Hiding in my room from the two couples I basically live with.” I muttered under my breath, but it still garnered a chuckle from him.

“Your roommates have their boyfriends over all the time?”

It was close enough. “Yep.”

“You want to get a drink with me instead?” Jacob smiled.

He was a bit like my brother, the too attractive for their own good type, and I should have said no, but instead I agreed. “Sure, but I’m not actually old enough to drink.”

“I know a place that wont card.” He smiled, patting me on the thigh as we both stood to enter the classroom.

The date had been surprisingly nice. Jacob didn’t care that I switched to water after two drinks and we ended up having a lot to talk about, but I guess that would make sense since we were both studying the same thing. He drove me home, parking on the street outside so he could kiss me goodnight. It was nice, nothing compared to the one I had shared with Rafael, but nice. We agreed to another date the following week, he gave me one more kiss and I went inside.

“Who were you out with?” Patrick huffed.

The four of them were coupled up around the living room, Rafael and Summer on the couch, Patrick and Danielle in their normal chair.

“A guy from class.” I shrugged.

“You had a date?” Rafael asked, his eyes intense as he looked up at me with his arm around Summer.

“So what if I did?”

Rafael glared at me, so I did what I always did then and I headed toward my room.

“Which guy from your class?” Patrick called, following me.

“Jacob Messer.”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“Why would you?” I chuckled, putting my purse away and slipping off the necklace I had worn.

“I mean you’ve never mentioned him before, hell you’ve never been interested in anyone before.”

“I’m not that interested now.” I shrugged while searching for my pajamas.

“Maggie...”

“What?” I huffed. “Am I not allowed to date or something?”

I pushed him out of my room and locked the door. I couldn’t tell him that I had been interested in someone, that that someone had no interest in me. Jacob had been nice, he was attractive... I thought I could possibly like him... maybe... eventually. I thought I had things under control. I was wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings apply to this chapter.

Jacob came to the door to pick me up the following weekend and Rafael answered. We were the only two home and I tried to beat him to the door, but when he realized I knew it was for me he made it his mission to get there first.

“Is Maggie here?”

“I’m here.” I smiled, pushing Rafael out of the way and letting Jacob in.

Jacob and Rafael eyed each other, so I reluctantly introduced them, the guy I was trying to forget meeting the guy I was using to forget him.

“You two have class together?” Rafael asked as I grabbed my purse.

“We’re in the same program.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty five, why?” Jacob huffed.

“She can’t even go out to the bars with you yet.” Rafael scoffed, not hiding the fact that he wasn’t pleased with who I had chosen to go out with.

“Come on Jacob.” I didn’t give him time to respond as I dragged him out of the house. The last thing I needed was him telling Rafael that he had taken me to have a few drinks at a bar.

“I was not expecting your roommate to be a guy.” Jacob chuckled once we were seated in his car.

“Yeah Rafael, who acts like an over protective brother, and my actual brother.”

“You two have history?”

“I’ve known him since I was fourteen.” I shrugged.

“No, I mean did you two used to date or something?”

“Not even close, why?”

“He just came off more jealous than brotherly.”

I laughed at that. “He has a girlfriend.”

Jacob took me to dinner at a nice restaurant a good distance from the Trowbridge house. It felt good to be out with someone who wanted to talk to me because they were interested in me. I had never had that. He made me feel comfortable, maybe too comfortable, because when he asked if I wanted to go back to his place to watch a movie I agreed.

He put on the movie Coneheads and pulled me closer on the couch with his arms wrapped around me. We stayed like that for a bit and then he leaned over to kiss me. I let him. It wasn’t like we hadn’t kissed. Then he pushed me back on the couch, his weight pressing against me as his hands roamed. I was less comfortable with this, but I still didn’t protest. I had worn a dress for our date and it started to ride up my thighs as he pushed his body between my legs. His kisses moved to my neck and I felt his hand run over me just above my underwear.

“Jacob...” I panted reaching to push his hand from me, but it didn’t budge, instead it seemed as though I was merely gripping his arm.

“Yes, baby.” He breathed, pressing his lips to mine again before I could actually respond to him.

My body stiffened as he slipped a finger beneath my underwear, running it along me. He was strong and his lips never left mine, never giving me an opportunity to protest what he was doing. He moved fast, all while keeping his lips clamped to mine. He didn’t even bother to undress us, just unfastened his pants and pulled my underwear to the side. My eyes widened and I screamed into his mouth, but he didn’t stop, just kept pumping, both of his hands coming up to my face caressing it. He finally pulled his lips from mine to look at me when I had quieted, but I was too stunned to say anything. I just laid there, letting him finish.

“I had fun tonight.” Jacob smiled as we pulled in front of my house.

“Yeah.” I nodded, staring blankly out the window.

“We could do it again, if you wanted.”

“Uh, sure... maybe...” I had no idea how to respond. I wasn’t entirely sure how it had happened to begin with but I knew I definitely didn’t want to do it again.

Jacob furrowed his brow and took my hand in his, pulling my attention from the window. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah... yeah, I’m fine, just tired.” I grabbed my purse not knowing where I wanted to be less, sitting in the car with him or walking through the happy couples in my living room while trying to pretend I was fine.

When I entered the Trowbridge house I was greeted with a familiar site and all four of them turned to look at me.

“How was your date?” Patrick muttered, Danielle leaning against his chest as she sat on his lap. At least Rafael and Summer had some awareness of other people, choosing to sit side by side as opposed to on top of each other, tonight it seemed there was maybe a bit more space than usual.

“It was fine.” I shrugged, quickly heading toward my room.

“Just fine?” Danielle chuckled. “It doesn’t sound like he’s going to last much longer.”

For a moment Rafael’s eyes met mine as I passed him, but I couldn’t look at him. Not after the night I had had. I locked my door once inside and took a long shower, sitting in the floor to cry even after the water ran cold.

I avoided Jacob at school as best I could, gathering my things early so I could hurry out of class or waiting in an area further from the room before class started. It was easier than I thought, but he didn’t seem to be making much effort to talk to me either. It wasn’t just Jacob I had been avoiding. I didn’t want to be around anyone if I didn’t have to be. I became a recluse at home, always hibernating in my room, but with the end of semester busyness it went unnoticed.

When we returned from holiday, the week before classes started back up, I returned to the solitude of my room, using my dissertation as an excuse since that would be my final semester.

“Come on Mags, you used to be fun.” Patrick called through the door.

“I used to be a lot of things...” I muttered to myself before yelling back at him. “Fun is overrated.”

“Seriously, Rafael broke up with Summer and I took a night off from from Danielle. It’ll be like old times.” I heard the door knob jiggle and was thankful I had locked it. “Maggie, it’s your last semester...”

“Fine.” I huffed, climbing out of bed and opening the door to find my brother smiling at me while holding out a beer.

I rolled my eyes and joined Rafael on the couch, both of us sitting at opposite ends. We all stared at each other in silence as we drank.

“Jesus,” Patrick chuckled, “Summer was nice but it wasn’t like you loved her or anything,” he said then turned to me, “and you went on what two dates with that Jacob guy...”

We both stared at him.

“Fine.” Patrick grumbled. “You two can stay and have your pity party. I’m going to see if I can hang at Danielle’s tonight.”

I downed what was left of my drink as Patrick left and started for my room again.

“You want to watch a movie?” Rafael’s voice was soft and his eyes cut up at me from under his eyebrows.

“Sure, you want another beer?”

He nodded, flipped on the television, and was sitting in the floor by the VCR when I reentered the living room. “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Son in Law, or Coneheads?”

I froze and felt the blood run from my face. “Anything but Coneheads. I fucking hate that movie.”

“That’s a fairly harsh reaction to a silly comedy, but ok.” He chuckled, returning to the couch after picking Son in Law.

I forced a smile and handed him his beer, neither of us speaking again for the first half of the movie.

“I’m sorry about Summer.”

“I’m not. I broke up with her.” Rafael smirked.

“Why?” From the way my brother had talked I was sure it had been the other way around.

“She’s not who I want to be with.”

“Oh...” I moved my attention back to the television, not wanting to know who he was interested in now.

“What happened with you and that Jacob guy?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I exhaled and took a sip of my beer.

Rafael furrowed his brow. “Why?”

“I just don’t.” I shrugged, regretting my previous statement, wishing I had just said we hadn’t had much in common.

“What did he do?” Rafael huffed.

“Nothing.”

His eyes narrowed and he shook his head. “I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re lying. What did he do?”

“He just moved faster than I expected.”

“How fast?”

“Rafael, please... let this go.” Tears were threatening to fall, but I couldn’t do much to hide them.

“Did he...” His eyes softened as they connected with mine and I nodded.

Rafael pulled me into his arms so that my head rested against his chest as I cried. “I didn’t want to... I didn’t know how to stop it.”

“I’m going to kill him.”

“I never said no, it happened so fast... I never really got the chance and then... I just froze.”

“Did he ask you if you wanted to?”

I pulled back to look at him, his arms still loosely wrapped around me as my hand rested on his chest. “If he had asked I would have said I wasn’t ready.” My response was defensive and Rafael definitely noticed.

“I’m not faulting you Mags, I’m faulting him. When you’re with someone new, you typically talk about that step and if it does just kind of happen naturally you tend to make eye contact to ensure the other person is still on board.”

“Don’t tell anyone.” I whispered, wishing I had just kept this to myself.

“Maggie, you should report him.”

“Report what?” I scoffed. “I didn’t ask him to stop... I just laid there. What am I supposed to report? That I was naive enough to go back to his house with him, that somehow he kept kissing me and it prevented me from telling him I didn’t want to have sex. Who would believe that? I didn’t even struggle...” I closed my eyes to blink away new tears that had formed. “I just want to finish this semester and move to DC.”

“But Maggie...”

“Please Rafael? Promise me you wont tell anyone... that you wont tell Patrick?”

“I promise.” He nodded, pulling me closer and kissing my forehead as I rested my head on his chest again.

He let me stay like that, holding me until I stopped crying.

“You’re moving to DC?” He asked when I sat up next to him.

“As soon as the semester ends.” I had been busy keeping myself distracted from the things I couldn’t control. The person with the NSA in charge of my hiring had put me in touch with their relocation coordinator before the end of last semester. She had found a one bedroom apartment in DC that would be available in time for my move and she had assured me that it was a quick commute to the Pentagon where my office would be.

“You have a job lined up then...”

“I do.” I nodded. “With the NSA. The job is numbers driven but classified so I can’t really tell you more than that.”

“Oh...” Rafael sighed, playing with my hair as I leaned against him again.

After that things seemed to go back to the way they way they had been before he kissed me. Rafael and I spent most of our free time together, either working side by side at the table or watching movies on the couch, sitting much closer than we had in the past. I kept expecting him to start dating whoever it was that had caused him to break up with Summer, but he never did. As planned, I was packed and ready to move as soon as my grades were finalized. I didn’t even stick around to walk at graduation... Messer and Malone being close enough alphabetically that I knew out of the small group graduating in our program that he’d be sat next to me. Rafael and Patrick were both through with finals and since they still had a year before their own graduations they helped me unpack the truck at my new apartment.

“You’ll keep in touch?” I asked as Rafael gave me a hug before he and Patrick started the drive back to Cambridge.

“Definitely.” He smiled, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

I shifted, purposely causing our lips to meet instead. Patrick was outside arguing with Danielle on the clunker of a phone she had made him carry so I assume that’s why Rafael returned the kiss. He deepened it, pulling me tighter against him.

“A part of me will always love you.” I breathed when our lips parted.

“Same here.” He sighed, kissing me one last time before he left to find my bother.

We did keep in touch for a while, but then work got busy... and life got busy. Over the years we lost contact as we moved and our numbers changed. So you can imagine my surprise fifteen years later when I came face to face with none other than Rafael Barba.


End file.
